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When I was little I was afraid to eat ham because of a somewhat traumatic situation that I experienced in childhood. It may be a bit ridiculous fear, but it made me feel a lot of anguish. In the same way, I try to respect my daughter's fears because I know that they are real for her, no matter how absurd they may seem to me, as an adult woman.
The role of parents in overcoming childhood fears It is very important, since we must learn to guide children and to accompany them when they face situations that scare them. Hence in our site We have prepared a decalogue with some basic tips that we cannot forget. Let us not be afraid to talk about fear!
According to Daniel Goleman, one of the parents of Emotional Intelligence, fear is part of the six basic or primary emotions: disgust, sadness, surprise, anger, joy and fear. Fear is the anguish we feel when faced with a situation that we consider dangerous, be it real or imagined. Our sons and daughters feel that anguish in moments when they think they feel inferior, situations in which they think they will not succeed, etc. And it is that fear is informing us that they feel limited or limited to face a certain situation, that is, they lack resources. That is why fear stems from a natural aversion to risk or threat.
Fear in our children, and also in anyone, can lead them to remain paralyzed, blocked and unable to react. On the other hand, fear can also offer the response of flight or escape, which in some situation would be considered an adaptive and survival response. Fear, like any emotion, is subjective and will depend on each person. This means that not all children are afraid of the same situations or events.
Our children are sometimes afraid, and fear is an evolutionary emotion and is part of the development of the boy and girl. And depending on how old they are, or the personal moment they live, they will have one fear or another. Fear of clowns, fear of some animals, fear in a nightmare, fear of not being chosen for a dance, fear of hurting myself, fear of the dark or fear of a partner ... They are fears that can appear throughout the life of our little ones.
So how can parents help children? In situations in which our or daughter is afraid, it is advisable:
1. Legitimize that emotion and consider it valid. We cannot deny or downplay it.
2. Help our child to know this emotion and recognize it, that is, be aware of when you are afraid and how your body informs you of it. This will help you to get to know yourself better and you can even anticipate on occasion.
3. Listen carefully to what they tell us. We must always adopt nonjudgmental listening so that they do not feel judged at any time.
4. Do not say phrases like "you are a freak", "what a scary nonsense", "with how old you are" ... They can be very harmful to the child's self-esteem and confidence.
5. Being close to the child. We must bear in mind that he is feeling anguish, so his heart is very racing.
6. Do not provoke traumatic situations of exposure to fear, that does not benefit the process. In addition, we must be calm in the face of the situation that causes fear in the child; It is what our son or daughter will need most at that time.
7. Find solutions together, find out what tools can help you. For this, parents or teachers can ask the child what they need to stop having that fear that paralyzes him.
8. Realize that, in most cases, everything that our child thinks might happen does not happen later. In this way, we will be able to avoid generalization.
9. Parents must be references for them, if they see us fearful that they will learn. We can never forget how important the example is in the education of children.
You have to be very careful with fears, because they say they love to steal dreams ...
You can read more articles similar to Mission accomplished. How to guide children in overcoming their fears, in the Fears on Site category.